


I never try to do anything, I never try to hurt anyone (I swear that I'm a good kid)

by lesbiannshit



Series: sad song oneshots [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Caspar von Bergliez Needs A Hug, Gen, Hopeful Ending, and now i feel kind of sad, and yes he gets one, based on a song from the lightning thief musical, basically i wrote 1.5k words of caspar angst, caspar deserves better, rated teen for like... one swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbiannshit/pseuds/lesbiannshit
Summary: Caspar wasn't good enough. He'd come to terms with that long ago. But now, well, now it was really hitting him. Maybe he'd never be good enough, no matter how hard he tried. Everyone else seemed to believe that, so why shouldn't he?(loosely based off of Good Kid from The Lightning Thief Musical)
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez & Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert
Series: sad song oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802443
Kudos: 1





	I never try to do anything, I never try to hurt anyone (I swear that I'm a good kid)

Caspar had heard it a million times. More, probably.  _ Don’t act up, don’t act out, be strong.  _ He was tired of it. Tired of having to prove to everyone that he wasn’t what they thought. That he wasn’t just some kid who got into fights or didn’t do his work. He wasn’t just what they all saw, and it hurt when he was reduced to his record or his grades. All he wanted was someone on his side. A friend, maybe. Just, someone who would listen and wouldn’t put the blame all on him, or try to get him to change. 

Every day was the same, and it was tiring. Every day was people telling him he could do better. Be better. That he didn’t have to ‘go down the wrong path’ or that he could ‘just put in some effort for once’. He learned to tune it all out. Ignore everyone’s words. It hurt less that way. They’d get mad, but eventually, they’d ignore him again. He was only relevant when he did something wrong. And, well, there was always something he did wrong. 

“Mr. Bergliez, this is the second time this month you’ve been in here,” The dean, Seteth started. “With your record, I’m not sure how much longer we’ll allow you to attend school here.”

Caspar sighed. He’d heard this talk before. 

“Now, I want to make sure I have this right. You saw the student that you attacked… Bullying another kid?” The green-haired man looked at Caspar with raised eyebrows.

“I did, sir,” Caspar replied. “I tried to get him to knock it off, but he wouldn’t do anything. I didn't throw the first punch, I swear!”

The dean sighed. “That’s not what all the witnesses said.”

“They were allowing it to happen!” The boy exclaimed. “The kid was getting pushed around and teased and everyone just let it happen!” 

“Normally, I would be inclined to believe you, but considering your record…”

Caspar laughed bitterly. “Of course. I’m not a good enough kid for you to believe me.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Really? Because it’s what you implied,  _ sir _ ,” Caspar spat. He sighed. “Fine. How long am I suspended? Or am I expelled this time? Fine. Just give me the word and I’ll go.”

“Mr. Bergliez--” 

“What? You gonna send me to the counselor again?” Caspar stood up, grabbing his bag. “Tell me how long and I’m gone.” 

“Mr. Bergliez, sit down,” Seteth demanded. Caspar sat again, dropping his backpack next to him. “I’m not done.”

“What else could you possibly want to berate me for this time?” The boy mumbled, crossing his arms. 

“Considering your recent academic performance, your teachers have decided it’s best that you drop your gym class and take up a study hall.”

“Sir, you can’t be serious,” Caspar sat up straight. “I’ll do anything, just, please, let me keep gym class. Sir, please.”

“Unless you magically pick up your grades by next week, there’s nothing I can do. The class transfer has already been put through.”

Caspar’s face fell and he clenched his jaw. He looked down at the ground. “How long am I suspended?”

“Three days,” Seteth replied. “You're staying until the bus leaves today, however, as no one is available to pick you up.”

Caspar knew the drill by now. After the first few times, his foster parents stopped picking him up. It’s not that they didn’t care, they just, well, they had better things to be doing than picking their failure of a foster child up from school. He didn’t mind it so much. It gave him time alone. Time to prepare for the endless amounts of berating he would be getting once he did get home. 

“I’ll head to the library, sir,” He mumbled, standing up. “And is it okay if I quickly use the bathroom after dropping my stuff off?”

Seteth nodded. “Just let Tomas know.”

Caspar turned away and walked out of the dean’s office. He took deep breaths as he walked down the halls, trying to will the tears away. They were taking away the only thing at this stupid academy he liked. That gym class, it was his only solace. The only thing that made him happy here. And they were ripping it away from him, and he couldn’t say anything. He was powerless to stop them. He had nothing left here. Nothing. 

He opened the door to the library and walked over to his usual table. He dropped his backpack off before telling Tomas that he was headed to the bathroom. Caspar left the library and walked down the halls again, this time to the bathroom. He opened the door and sighed. 

The first thing he did was check (and then double-check) that the bathroom was empty. Once he saw that it was, he broke down. He slumped onto the ground and buried his head in his hands, finally allowing himself to cry. His whole body shook with every sob, his tears falling through his hands. 

The only thing he wanted, no,  _ needed,  _ was for someone to just listen to him. He needed someone to believe him. Just, someone who wouldn’t refer to his record every time he got in trouble. Maybe someone who would understand how it felt to not be good. How it felt to have everyone treat you like every single thing you ever did was wrong. Like your very existence just made them angry. Furious, even. 

After a few minutes, Caspar finally found the strength to stand up again, wiping the remaining tears from his face. He ran his hands through his hair before taking a deep breath and looking in the bathroom mirror. His nose was red and his eyes were puffy. He could just make out the few tear tracks left on his cheeks. 

He found it hard to recognize himself. It was like he was staring at a shell of himself. Whoever was staring back through the mirror, it wasn’t him. The face in the mirror had given up a long time ago. Had nothing left. That wasn’t him, right? He was Caspar Bergliez. He hadn’t given up. He still had a lot left. A lot to live for. No, that wasn't right, was it? He’d just lost the one thing that let him get his anger and despair out in a healthy way. His grades were never good enough to stay in any kind of sport, but at least gym was a class. It was required, and he never thought they could take it away from him. Apparently, he’d been wrong.

But then again, maybe he was staring at himself. Maybe this was him. Maybe he didn’t have anything left. He’d lost his family a long time ago. He’d lost his cheerful, upbeat personality along with it. He’d tried so hard to keep himself together. To be strong like he’d always been told. But it was hard. It was hard knowing that no one had ever thought you were good enough. 

His parents, well, he hadn’t been around them long enough to really feel like they thought he was good enough. They’d died before he’d turned five. He’d bounced between so many foster families until he landed with this one two years ago. It wasn’t the best place, but it was better than so many other alternatives. But, he knew he only had a small time left with them. He’d messed up so many times that they weren’t going to let him stay. It was for the better, he supposed. They’d be happier without him around. Without having to worry if he was following all the rules and staying out of trouble.

Caspar stared back into the mirror. His eyes were empty; there was no life in them anymore. Nothing that even remotely resembled what he had once been. He’d been a lively kid. Always running around, making new friends. He smiled sadly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been able to keep a friend. He always scared them away, it seemed. Maybe it had been his enthusiasm, or even his willingness to stick up for others. People always seemed to be embarrassed by him. He’d stopped trying to make friends once he moved here. It wasn’t worth it. They’d leave him in the end. They always did.

He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. If he didn’t get back to the library soon, Tomas would surely tell Seteth. And then Seteth would claim Caspar was trying to run away or some bullshit and get him suspended for longer. He took one last look in the mirror and tried to make it look like he hadn’t just been crying. It was no use, he decided. It’s not like his reputation was even salvageable at this point.

“Oh, uh hello,” The small kid from earlier said. “You, uh, you saved me from that guy earlier.”

“It was nothing,” Caspar shook his head, turning away from the mirror. “I was just doing what I thought was right.”

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Caspar replied a bit harshly. He sighed and shook his head again. “Sorry.”

“I’m Ashe,” The boy said. “And I’m sorry that you got in trouble. I was scared the kid was going to hurt me if I told the truth.”

“It’s okay,” Caspar said. “I get it. Oh, and, uh, I’m Caspar.”

Ashe smiled. “I know. It’s just, well, you have a bit of a reputation.”

Caspar rolled his eyes. “What, that I’m a good for nothing kid that gets into trouble every day? Yeah, I know. I’ve heard it all before.

The smaller boy shook his head. “No, actually. I mean, I’m sure some people think of you like that but… I have a few friends who’ve said otherwise.”

His face softened. “Really?”

“They say you’re not afraid to stand up for others. Even if you’ve never seen them before,” Ashe started. “And you never throw the first punch. You always try and reason things out without violence.”

“People really think of me like that?” Caspar asked, tears once again welling in his eyes.

“You’ve stood up for a lot of people, Caspar,” Ashe smiled. “And I think you should know that even if they’ve never told you, we all appreciate it.”

Caspar sniffled. “I…” He chuckled. “No one’s ever thanked me before. Usually, they run off before anyone can break up the fight. I thought maybe I did something wrong.”

Ashe smiled and walked closer. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Tell that to everyone else,” Caspar mumbled. “All they see is some kid who just can’t stay out of trouble. A new fight every month.”

“Well, I think that maybe they don't know the full story, do they?”

“No, I, uh, I guess they don’t,” Caspar smiled. “Thank you, Ashe. I really needed to hear that today.”

Ashe’s smile grew wider. “Well, whenever you’re back from suspension, I’d be honored to be your friend, Caspar. I think you’re a good kid, and that you deserve better than this.”

“I… I’ve never had a real friend before,” Caspar whispered. “What if I do something wrong?”

“Then we can talk through it,” Ashe said, carefully hugging Caspar. “Because I think you deserve something good.”

Caspar sniffled. “Thank you, Ashe,” He smiled. “And I’d… I’d be honored to be your friend as well.”

**Author's Note:**

> this... was a time. I did not mean for this to get so out of hand. I did bawl my eyes out writing this. I can't help it. I love Caspar and he deserves better.   
> this is my first official published work in this fandom so I hope Caspar's not too ooc. But, honestly, I feel like this fits him pretty well. also, I love Ashe he is a pure-hearted soft boy who deserved better.   
> no, I do not hate Seteth but he's kind of a dick here because it's necessary.   
> anyway if you have any feedback or you really liked the story leave a kudos or a comment, or even both.


End file.
